2011 September |

Wanting to Be Hearing

So, before we get into today’s post, go mosey on over to Bad Words and read Tulpen’s post: Either Way. Then come on back over and let’s talk.

Tulpen’s son, Owen, told his mom, “Don’t want to be Deaf. Want to be Hearing.”

I can relate. That’s pretty much how I felt– from the time I first began losing my hearing in elementary school until I became deaf. I can remember being able to hear–I would crawl into bed and listen to my dad tell me the story of Scamp and Tiny– two dogs that went on adventures all over town. I can also remember the day that I stopped crawling into bed– I could no longer understand what my dad was saying in the dark. I had become sick with a high fever for nearly a week and shortly after that, I had the “hard of hearing” label tacked on. I was never able to use the phone after that. The words that entered my brain were pretty much scrambled and I resorted to lipreading.

I hated the hearing aid. Hated the daily struggle to access communication. I often wished that I had normal hearing. I held back on life, thinking that “if only I had normal hearing I would do this.” Or that.

In elementary school, the kids on the bus teased me, sometimes mercilessly. I kept my eyes straight ahead or I sometimes buried myself in a book on the rides home. My best friend, Pattie, defended me on the bus. Twelve years ago, I received a letter out of the blue from one of my tormenters, asking forgiveness. He had become a born-again Christian and the teasing had weighed heavily on him over the years.

I had long ago forgiven, I just didn’t know it. The forgiveness came from the journey to acceptance– in the form of a severe whack on the head when I tripped on a wake while barefoot water skiing. I was nineteen. I could no longer hear anything without a hearing aid perched in my ears. But it turned out to be the very best thing to happen to me. I finally, after years and years of battling, finally accepted the whole me. I embraced the new journey and my world filled up with new deaf and hard of hearing friends and American Sign Language became a part of life. As for me– I was deaf– and it was okay.

Then one by one, my kids started collecting audiograms. David was nearly three, Lauren was four, and Steven was two– and then we started killing more trees and collecting IEP paperwork. And like Owen, each one of my kids has had their days when they wished they had hearing in the normal range. And when they expressed that, my heart always did a little blip. More often than not, it was a cycle– a season in their life– where they became more self-aware, or they matured, or a struggle of some kind would trigger it. The rest of the time, all was well–they would settle back into being comfortable and happy with life again.

And it might surprise some of you to know that I even have moments of self-pity when I wish I could hear. I had one of those moments while sitting at a banquet after a tournament this summer– and tears started to fall. My friend Sharon was my interpreter that night and I told her what I was feeling. I was reflecting over the whole summer of tournaments. “I wish I could hear the announcements, the conversations that flow around me, the jokes that get told on the boat– I miss out on all that stuff. And sometimes I can’t lipread some of the folks I meet…” I whined. Yes, I whined.

We are human. In moments of humaness (is that even a word?) all of us wish for something else. Thinner, taller, younger, smarter, richer–whatever it is, that darn grass is always greener somewhere else. But ultimately, we have to cultivate that little patch of green we’re standing on. We have to bloom where we are planted. Corny–yes–but it’s something I live by.

Oh, and those announcements that I wished I could hear? Well, at one of the tournaments, another barefooter said to me, “You’re lucky you can’t hear Dave (the announcer) – he goes on and on and on– sometimes I wish I could turn my ears off.”

The grass is always greener…

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Tags: Inspirational Stuff, It's All About Me by DeafMom
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Unwrap Your Passion, And Happiness Will Follow

(Originally posted as a guest blog on Happiness Inside, which is now closed)

Earlier this year, I pursued a passion that was long buried inside of me. I didn’t even realize how long it was buried until I began to unwrap it on my 44th birthday last year.

I was sitting on the pontoon at my parent’s lake, thinking back to some of the best memories of my life. I was rather down at that moment, so I wanted to conjure up some memories that included some happy times. I thought back to my teen years. I learned to water ski on my bare feet shortly after my sixteenth birthday. What a thrill that was! I spent the next three years barefooting with the guys on Christie Lake. Every single time that I went out on the water, I was happy.

One day, when I was nineteen, I decided to go out and practice some wake crossings. I caught a toe and slammed into the water in a not-so-graceful cartwheel. In an instant, I went from hard of hearing to deaf. When I climbed into the boat and started talking to my friends, I couldn’t hear myself talk. I just figured that I had water in my ears and that the hearing I had left would return.

It didn’t.

At first, adjusting to being deaf was a horrible struggle. There were many days and nights that I cried. One day, I came to the realization that I could either do battle every day, or I could embrace this new identity as a deaf person and get on with life. From that moment, another passion was unwrapped. I learned American Sign Language and a rich world opened up filled with deaf and hard of hearing friends. Happiness arrived with that new-found passion. Most of my career since graduating from college has centered around helping others who are deaf and hard of hearing. I started and ran a non-profit organization, Illinois Hands and Voices and began providing mentoring services through the state’s Early Intervention program. Along the way, I uncovered a passion for birth and I attended several home and hospital births as a doula. Every birth filled me with incredible happiness inside.

Fast forward to October of last year: my husband sent me a link to the Today Show segment featuring Judy Myers, a 66-year-old woman who learned to barefoot water ski at the age of 53. I connected with her and she invited me to come to the World Barefoot Center to learn to barefoot again. The very moment that I put my feet on the water, I was filled with incredible joy. The sport that had brought both happiness and sadness in my life was now filling me with happiness again.

At the World Barefoot Center, I met Keith St. Onge, the owner and a two-time World Barefoot Champion. Keith learned to barefoot at the age of ten and by time he was thirteen, he knew he wanted to follow his passion for the sport. He has competed since he was eleven, turned pro at eighteen and runs the ski school and a wetsuit company. The sport has brought him all over the world and he has been featured on ESPN, CNN and in several magazines.

“Barefoot water skiing is my passion—it’s what I wanted to do since I was thirteen,” Keith shared. “I wanted to be the greatest. I wanted to be a pro the same way that young kids want to be a fireman. And I get to fuel my passion every day. When I’m on the water on my bare feet—it’s a feeling of complete freedom. When you fuel your passion–passion brings happiness—they feed off each other.”

I recently had the opportunity to talk with Keith’s mom, Jackie St. Onge and I asked her to share her thoughts on passion.

“Passion is your joy,” Jackie explained. “It is the essence of who you are. You have to unwrap it and find it. Some people find it easier than others. The body and the mind and the soul become one when you find your passion. Passion comes naturally to a person. It is like running water: turn on the tap and it flows.”

Passion and happiness are intertwined. When you discover your passion and incorporate it into your life, happiness follows. If you’re not sure how to answer the question, “What is your passion?” you can find the answer by reflecting on the happy and joyful times in your life. What fires you up? What feeds your soul? What puts a smile on your face in the morning and a deep sense of satisfaction and joy when your head hits the pillow at night?

Passion is inside each and every one of us. Unwrap yours.

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Tags: Uncategorized by DeafMom
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Wanting to Be Hearing

Unwrap Your Passion, And Happiness Will Follow

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