On Sunday, we celebrated my youngest’s son’s birthday. Eleven years. How time zips by. Every year on his birthday, I always think back to his birth.
I didn’t plan a homebirth at first. I had my two other kids via cesarean. Lauren’s birth was especially hard, because I had hoped to birth her naturally, but ended up consenting to be induced. Post-partum depression reared its ugly head and I was fortunate to find a support group to help me through it.
While attending the support group, I learned that several other moms had given birth at home. One mom had two cesareans like me.
Homebirth? Nah. That was far too radical for me. I was a good follower. I dutifully took my kids to the pediatrician and followed the schedule for vaccinations. I read the books on what to expect when pregnant. I went for the epidural and the pitocin hook-ups each time.
Then a little surprise–the lines turned pink on the plastic stick, the result of a New Year’s Eve party that we had at our house. A welcome surprise though, as we had planned to have a third child down the road.
While attending the support group, I began to dive into books about birth. My friend Beth had briefly contemplated a homebirth and she handed over Sheila Kitzinger’s Homebirth for me to read. The more I read, the more people that I talked to about homebirth, the stronger the feeling began to grow inside of me that I wanted to have a homebirth.
And I did. It was an amazing time, in more ways than one. But I also ended up being induced at home, consenting to something that I didn’t really know I was consenting to. Steven’s homebirth turned into a story that was published in Don’t Cut Me Again.
Birthing at home wasn’t so much the life changing event as making the decision to have a homebirth. I was torn between doing what society perceived as safe (birthing in the hospital) and doing what my instinct was leading me toward. Did I have the courage to break the status quo? Did I have the courage to look within and make a decision that that felt right to me (and my husband), despite others telling me I shouldn’t?
Making the decision was a liberating moment for me.
When decisions come from within us and are not influenced by outside factors, we hold ourselves responsible for the outcomes. We own the decisions with more rights than we could have if we allowed someone else to influence us.
So tell me, have you faced a moment in your life that shaped the way you make decisions?
So today, I took the opportunity to ask Donna some more questions about how companies like Steak ‘n Shakecould apply the Celebrity Experience and produce positive outcomes for their company:
Donna, I know you’re familiar with the Steak ‘n Shake incident,when I attempted to order two milkshakes through the drive through but was denied service because I could not use the drive through speaker. I came home and blogged about the incident. The company issued an apology via email and set up a meeting to discuss the incident with three of their executives. What are some ways that Steak ‘n Shake could have handled this incident differently, to produce a better outcome?
Karen, I remember you telling me about this incident when we met, and I’ve read a few of the many blog posts on the subject. My first impression of the event was that it could have all been avoided if the clerk in question had simply chosen his customer over his own convenience or store “policy.” Driving up to the window instead ordering though the speaker is not the typical procedure, true. But honestly, disability or no disability, was it really a big deal to just serve you those milkshakes? What if a hearing individual drove by the speaker and went straight to the window by mistake. Must you really make them drive back to the speaker? What harm is it to just take the order at the window?
I wasn’t there to witness the event, but based on what you have said, it seems like the better customer service choice would have been to just bend policy and serve you at the window.
Based on what you’ve told me, certainly the clerk could have turned the situation around by sincerely apologizing once he realized you were deaf, and served you the milkshakes.
In giving red-carpet service, you want to strive to please the customer the first time. Mistakes happen. People are human. However, good service professionals own their mistakes and strive to immediately make the wrong right.
Please note this: I have not spoken with anyone at Steak ‘n Shake about this incident. I know one side of the story. So, I’m a little uncomfortable sharing what I think Steak ’n Shake could have done differently. The fact that they did contact you and set up a meeting is positive. However, considering the story has been posted on several blogs and told in a variety of media outlets, they might have done well to detail on their website and your blog exactly how they intended to address the situation. From a customer service standpoint in general, all companies should ensure their employees are well-versed in the Americans with Disabilities Act, provide ongoing training and hold employees accountable for giving ALL customers exceptional service.
What are some ways that companies today can provide their customers with the Red Carpet experience?
In my book, The Celebrity Experience: Insider Secrets to Delivering Red-Carpet Customer Service, I dedicate an entire chapter to the power of YES! The premise is to “treat your customers like Hollywood celebrities.” Well, for a celebrity, whatever the question the answer is YES!
For the rest of us, we often hear “Sorry, the policy is….’
The policy is that even though we sold you a defective laptop, we will not provide you with a replacement for the two weeks we need in order to repair the one you bought from us.
The policy is that you must stay home all day waiting for a plumber who may or may not show up.
The policy is that you have to order at the speaker, and if you go to the window first we will make you drive back to the speaker.
Great service providers empower their employees to give their customers a red-carpet service. The best hotels empower their team members to make things right for guests up to a certain dollar amount. Starbucks empowers their baristas to surprise and delight customers with the occasional freebie. (Problems or no, I’m still a Starbucks fan!)
Company leaders could start the red-carpet process by empowering and encouraging employees to be flexible when a customer doesn’t follow procedure. Use some creativity! Policies are in place for a reason - but it doesn’t hurt to bend them to give a customer a great experience.
When a company is hit with a negative experience that is shared on the internet, what are some ways that companies can address this?
It’s a new world for many companies. Rather than one person telling two friends, and they telling two friends…and so on…..disgruntled customers are telling millions of people in one fell swoop - with a blog post that travels far and wide, as yours did.
When an error has clearly been made, and it’s making the rounds on the internet, the best thing company leaders can do is communicate, communicate, communicate. Act quickly to address the error. Address it with the person in question, but also on the company website, on blogs, and by any other means available. Tell the truth about what happened, clearly outline what is being done to correct the situation, and keep customers updated on the progress. The key to regaining your customer’s trust is to communicate, communicate, and communicate some more.
Smart leaders are beginning to realize they too can jump on the blogging bandwagon. Zappos, Southwest, Jobing.com - they all have blogs and encourage customer participation. Through blog comments, Twitter Tweets, and other social networking strategies, customers are actually influencing the direction these companies take.
Steak ‘n Shake is now facing a formal complaint filed against them for discrimination at the drive through. At this point, could Steak ‘n Shake employ Red Carpet strategies to turn the situation around or is the situation past the point of no return?
Again, I don’t know all sides of this story, and I’m not sure I’m qualified to speak directly to what Steak ‘n Shake could do at this point to prevent further actions from being taken.
In general, a company can recover from this type of situation by:
1. Owning Up to their mistakes
2. Communicating with their customers
3. Going Above and Beyond to make things right….and then some.
4. Providing exceptional training for their employees and hold them accountable to high service standards
5. Continue to communicate, communicate, communicate…..including getting feedback from customers about what they’d like to see happen.
At anytime, you can purchase Donna’s book, The Celebrity Experience, Insider Secrets to Red Carpet Customer Service by going to Amazon
Donna Cutting and Stephen Hopson at the SOBCon’08
I don’t remember who suggested it first, but I found myself writing down “lunch with Amy Derby” on my calendar last week. Yesterday, I headed out to her town to pick her up.
I’m bad with directions, she wrote. You might want to Mapquest it.
I’ve got a navigator in my van, I told her. I’m sure I can find it.
I dutifully followed the directions and found myself lost. The numbers didn’t match up. Thank goodness for good ‘ole texting, as I found Amy a quarter mile away, standing on a street corner hammering away at her iPhone.
Meeting someone for the first time is often awkward, but I think Amy and I hit it off pretty quickly. For one thing, we instantly bonded over hearing aid batteries. She needed a hearing aid battery and I had a stash of different sizes in my purse. We headed over to Chilis, but because I was driving and reading lips at the same time, we ended up in the Baker’s Square parking lot. Neither of us noticed, until we swung open the doors and saw a showcase of pies facing us. We laughed, and walked next door to Chilis.
It was heaven to connect with another writer and talk about the daily stuff that’s involved with churning out words. Heaven to bounce ideas off of someone who could give an honest answer (even if it was, “I don’t know”). And boy, was it fun to talk about all the people we know on the ‘net and how we got to know them.
So, if you don’t know Amy Derby, head on over to her blog, Write From Home and take a moment to get to know this sassy, talented writer.
I recently had the opportunity to chat with D-Pan founder, Sean Forbes, via videophone. D-Pan is a company that produces popular music videos signed in American Sign Language. Sean became deaf at the age of one from spinal meningitis. The son of two musicians, Sean was the only one of his two brothers to pursue a career in the music field. Sean grew up in the mainstream and learned American Sign Language as a young adult.
Signing Songs: The Making of D-PAN Music Videos (Mini-Documentary)
Special Features & More!
All of the videos are closed captioned and subtitled on the DVD. Each of the D-PAN performers receive a royalty based on sales revenue. All of the sales from the music videos will fund upcoming projects.
As a special to the readers of A Deaf Mom Shares Her World, Sean is giving away a free copy of the D-Pan, It’s Everybody’s Music DVD. Everyone who leaves a comment below will be entered into the free give away. The deadline for this is Monday, September 22 at midnight. The winner will be chosen by Random.org. You must enter your email in the field (email will not be shown) and the winner will be notified on Tuesday. D-Pan will send the DVD directly to the winner.
I listened to the music of the night wind in the pines.
I’ve seen the quiet splendor of a field of columbine.
I skied on crystal pathways to a mountain peak so tall,
and I walked the mighty summits with the one who made it all.
From The Mountain Song, John Denver
This photo was taken in Breckenridge, Colorado this summer.
There I was, sitting back and typing away at an article for Disaboom when an instant message popped up on the screen.
Hello.
It was a screen name that I didn’t recognize, but I’m always getting instant messages from parents of deaf and hard of hearing children or other writers.
I typed back. Hi. Who is this please?
Hi, this is Eric Lawrence. How are you today?
So we exchanged chit chat. Thinking that he was possibly a parent that I couldn’t remember, I wracked my brain trying to remember who Eric Lawrence was.
And then it came.
We are here to congratulate you on the $150,000 you have won from the Australian Deaf Lottery! Congrats, you are a winner!
Oh my gosh. I couldn’t contain my excitement. One hundred and fifty grand! Whatever would I do with it? I could buy a summer home! I could buy a new boat! I could donate a large amount to Hands & Voices!
Your screen name was was selected by our computing balotting [sic] system, he went on.
Amused, I decided to play along a bit. I was instructed to give my name and address so that the certified check could be sent to my home. When I inquired about the website of the Australian Lottery, I was told that it was still under construction and that dear Eric would send me the link as soon as it was up.
I told him I wasn’t convinced.
Alright, you have a choice, he said. And the choice is that you can follow your heart but we will advice you to trust and believe in us and you will be surprised what will happen. We will get your winning check mailed out to you with immediate effect.
No thanks, I said.
And poof, he disappeared.
I’ve also won $50,000, $250,000 and one million since then.
None of the checks have come in the mail.
Maybe it’s because I forgot to give them my address?
Today’s post is from a close friend of mine, Sue Klytta. Sue and I met back in college and we’ve shared a lot together, including raising deaf and hard of hearing kids. We’ve had many conversations over the years about our kids and we’ve shook our heads at the twisting roads that we’ve gone down on together. We’ve made decisions involving our kids that we never would have imagined making at the beginning of the parenting journey. It goes to show that sometimes you’ll make difference choices at different times in your children’s lives. More than once, I’ve told Sue, “you need to share your story.”
So Sue kindly gave me the day off and here she is as a guest blogger:
Today, I am writing from the heart, as a deaf adult and as a mom to three children, one hard of hearing, one deaf, and one hearing child. Raising two children with a hearing loss, I often find that their journey is similar to mine growing up hard of hearing and deaf.
Lately, there has been so much joy on my oldest son’s face. Alex’s eyes light up. He smiles and laughs more. He signs more now. It’s so different today than it was a year ago. My son is hard of hearing. Last year, he started going to the Illinois School for the Deaf. He has been mainstreamed all his school years, he has never been in a self-contained classroom. His elementary years in school were fine, interaction with other kids focused more on physical play. In middle school, he had one friend who moved away. Once he started high school in our hometown, it was a whole different ball game. He became increasingly more isolated. He made less and less eye contact. He came home every day looking more discouraged. He cried tears of frustration after coming home from school. He stayed in bed and refused to get up. Today, he says he is liked by his peers. He can’t wait to go to ISD. I talked with Alex about his experiences at ISD. He summed it up for me very well, he said “Mom, I am liked”. He talked about how much fun it was interacting with other kids and how this school was changing his outlook on life.
My son Matthew also attends ISD. The first day I dropped him off at ISD, he looked so content. He now talks about his accomplishments with pride. His self-esteem has soared. This was a kid who previously hated to go to school. I had to drag him physically out the door and drive him to school. He said he felt invisible at his old school. He struggled to pay attention in classes and was diagnosed with ADD. I took him to a psychiatrist and therapist every two weeks. He was on medication. He suffered from poor self-esteem. No more! He loves ISD and his teachers are so positive about Matthew’s progress. I suspect that the deaf school works so well for Matthew because the environment fosters more cooperative learning and interaction. After a long talk with Matthew about his school experiences, I figured out why this new placement has made such a difference for him. At his old school, direct instruction was primarily used. Direct instruction is a type of teacher-centered learning in which the teacher is teaching a lesson and there is less interaction between students. Direct instruction is only beneficial when it is supplemented with cooperative learning methods. Group interaction is very important for learning. Matthew has told me that he feels free to interact in the classroom and he likes interacting with the other kids. He shared that he feels he is learning more. So with Matthew’s ADD, this type of learning environment has been very beneficial for him. As for the socialization issue, he is much happier. He has larger pool of friends to interact with. He is a social butterfly and this environment suits him well.
I feel like I know what both of my sons were going through. I myself was mainstreamed in my first year of high school with no support services and was the only deaf/hard of hearing student there. I was miserable. I transferred to a high school with a deaf program my second year. I quickly made friends with other deaf/hard of hearing peers.
Looking back, I realized that I never brought up my story in meetings with my sons’ teachers. I felt that this was about my sons, not me. But this is not just our story, it is the story repeated by many deaf and hard of hearing people.
This experience has been recounted many times by deaf and hard of hearing people like myself who grow up never meeting another deaf/hard of hearing peer. We talk about the experience of meeting other people like ourselves as “coming home”. One deaf adult I know talks about the feeling of coming home when she started meeting deaf and hard of hearing people at college for the first time. Another deaf adult was so lonely in high school, he transferred to the school for the deaf and learned sign language for the first time.
When I was visiting ISD, I attended the awards/graduation ceremony. I truly felt that we the deaf/hard of community were being acknowledged and honored. I felt valued. And I know both my sons feel the same when they are there. I did not feel this way when my sons were mainstreamed here in their home schools.
I am a deaf adult, I have traveled this journey. I was once hard of hearing, able to hear on the phone at one time. I have been in self-contained classrooms, I have been mainstreamed. I have been considered a “successful” oral child, I have learned sign language. I am now learning more ASL. I feel that my experience and the experience of many other deaf/hard of people is authentic and valid and I wish more people would reach out to us. Learn from us. We need to be heard. When I was growing up, I only met one deaf adult. And I am sad to say today, things have not really changed that much at all for deaf and hard of hearing children. There is no connection to the deaf/hard of hearing community. Frequently, there is no connection between deaf/hard of hearing children mainstreamed in their home schools either. Isn’t true that as human beings, we all need that emotional connection to those like ourselves?
While making the difficult decision to place my sons at ISD, I had moments of insight. My daughter is hearing. Everyday I would drop her off at her school. She was always so excited to go. I realized that she has a whole school full of equal peers. She would talk about the group of kids she sat with at lunch. She had friends sleep over at our house, they all would sit at the table talking and giggling. I realized then I wanted the same for my sons. And I knew my sons were not getting what my daughter got so easily every day.
I sometimes feel on the fence between both the hearing and deaf world. Every day I accommodate, I lipread so I can understand hearing people. I talk so that they will understand me. My son Matthew got the cochlear implant because he wanted to hear. I am considering one for myself as well. I also have a daughter, Katie, who is hearing. The hearing world is a huge part of her life and I honor that. She has a “second family” down the street. They are hearing and yes, they are part of her life. Hearing parents also need to give their deaf/hard of hearing children the opportunity to experience the deaf/hard of hearing world.
At the same time, I have respect for the deaf community as well. I am learning to be more proficient in ASL because my son Matthew is using it more now. I talk about deaf role models with my kids. My daughter is learning to sign more and more now with me.
When my sons grow up, I know in my heart they will not always be listened to and heard. I grieve that, because I know their experience will be the same as mine. Yes, it is a world where the majority can hear. Yet, they have so much to give and so much to teach others. It is my hope that other deaf/hard of hearing children will experience “coming home” with their peers. It is also my hope that when they grow up to become deaf/hard of hearing adults, they will have a “voice” and that they will be heard. And that they will be valued.
I had been in a funk for the last two weeks. A gawd-awful funk. Last week, I whined about writer’s block over on Twitter. At a family gathering recently, even a relative mentioned how boring my recent posts had become. My reaction was simply to shrug.
The house had been slipping over the summer. I couldn’t remember the last time I mopped the floor. (Mom, cover your eyes.) In the last two weeks, I struggled to maintain some sense of order as the kids went back to school. I woke up each morning with a horrible attitude of, who cares? Friends didn’t really know, or notice, because they assumed that I was busy at the desk, hammering away at blog posts and articles.
The only time I found some joy was barreling down the lake at full throttle on the jet ski. Speed, glorious speed took the edge off and set my heart beating with excitement. Ah yes, the jet ski– the midlife solution to a crisis.
I sent out an email to my BookHands club. How’s everyone doing, I wondered. Anything to start up some conversation– to connect during a time when I wasn’t really connecting with anyone. One by one, they chimed in with updates. I didn’t realize it, but my replies didn’t really reveal anything that was going on with me. The funk had me too buried to notice. One of the BookHands gals dragged it right out of me. “Karen, I don’t know if u’re aware of this. But lately in most of your emails you pepper people with questions, but don’t volunteer any information about yourself or day to day experiences. We sincerely care about you and want to know what u’re up to.”
So I unloaded. ” I’ve been in a gawd-awful funk for the last two weeks. It isn’t depression, it’s what I call ‘in the rut’ feeling. Seth Godin calls it ‘The Dip.’ I call it a “I don’t give a rotten crap” feeling. It’s where you let everything go and then feel overwhelmed and have no idea what to tackle and at the same time, you don’t care about tackling anything. Ack.”
And as it turned out, others were struggling too. The Life Plateau. Emails shot back and forth. Suggestions. Tips. Support.
And I began to feel better. Things began to shift and change.
I woke up and recited five things that I was grateful for. I started the day with some light yoga. One of the BookHands gals chided me for not having some heart pumping exercise in my routine. So this week, that’s on my agenda.
Other things happened– I reconnected with the Loopies– a group of online friends that began eight years ago. We met through AOL’s Home VS Hospital Birth Forum. Some of them are grandmas now. It was a wonderful blast through the past to reconnect and see how everyone is doing. It made me aware that time is marching on–much faster than I’d like it to.
There’s a lesson here– for all of us to reach out to one another, most especially during the low times when we feel most alone.
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